I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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