Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
