i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
