im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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