I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
