shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
