some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
