I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
