My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
