Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
