then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
