Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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