I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
