my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
