last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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