Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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