K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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