She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize