how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
