you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
