Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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