about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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