Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
