Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
