Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
