Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're my little dorito
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
