Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
