So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
