we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
