Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
