i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
