so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
