It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
