I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
