The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
