I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
