i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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