Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
