i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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