I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
