At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
