He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
