Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
