Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
