He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
