i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
