Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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