Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I love you. Go after that dick
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
