so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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