i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
