I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
