It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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