jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He shit in the fireplace
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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