i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
