I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
