there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
