I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
