you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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