i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
