One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need a beard to bite.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize