Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
