I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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