Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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