Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
